Sensory Integration Education

In this month’s Thoughts from a Therapist blog, Anna Willis explores how social connection is anything but simple—and how a recent conversation with a teen client reminded her how uniquely we each experience it. From the deeply personal meaning of eye contact to the way sensory cues shape our understanding of others, there are infinite ways to interpret the very same moment. 

As we move into the festive season—a time filled with extra social demands and sensory load—it becomes even more important to notice what drains our energy, what restores it, and how we can use our ‘spoons’ wisely.

I was talking recently to one of my teen clients who was trying to explain to me how eye contact felt to her. It was so interesting to hear. I’ve heard other neurodiverse teens and adults say before that they don’t like eye contact because it feels too intimate and like someone is looking into their soul. But this wasn’t her take.

Instead, she tried to explain to me that if someone made eye contact with her, she felt like they were uninterested in her words. But if they weren’t looking at her directly, this was fine and she felt they were engaged. I wonder if for her, her experience of nonverbal communication is almost a sign of understanding and respect – if someone is using nonverbal communication she finds uncomfortable, on an unconscious level, she feels they don’t ‘get her’ and therefore this is interpreted as disinterest. There could be other explanations too of course.

What this conversation did for me was highlight, once again, that there is such an impossibly infinite way of interpreting the same event. Emotional tagging of experiences and socialising can come with many sensory experiences that we can tag in many different ways.

Let’s use spoon theory – brief overview: you’ve got so many spoons a day when you wake up in the morning, and each task or thing that occupies your time that day takes a certain number of spoons. I find some interactions take way more spoons than others. It depends on the person, the environment I’m in, the conversation we’re having, and what I’ve already done that day.

Particularly with the festive season fast approaching and socialising with more people than usual, or for a longer amount of time, see if you can plan your spoons. Are there situations that light you up? People? Places? Topics? Great! Do those. Are there others that take more spoons than you want to give to them? Identify them and plan around it – can you cancel that event? Reduce the time? Plan ahead to give yourself some free time before and/or after? Use some regulatory tools like breathing, drinks bottle, healthy crunchy or chewy snacks, filtering earplugs, fidget or chew tools.

It's OK to say no and hold boundaries to keep your nervous system regulated. And yes that applies even if you’re the therapist, or the parent! We need to model what we want for the world and this may help someone else also feel confident enough to protect their spoons too.

Have a wonderful sensory-friendly Christmas everyone!

Anna

 PS If you’re interested in finding out more about how sensory processing differences can shape behaviour and impact people’s daily lives, check out SIE's free short course: Discover Sensory Processing and Integration.

Thoughts From a Therapist is a regular series written by Advanced SI Practitioner Anna Willis about something that piqued her professional interest or inspired her in some way over the last month. Anna, an occupational therapist and owner of Active Play Therapies.